It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
