i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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