we have pet lesbian snakes
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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