Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
