If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
