there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
