did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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