Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize