I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
