I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
