i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
