before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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