Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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