i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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