how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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