Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
