I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
