Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
