Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
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You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
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Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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