Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
