Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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