its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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