I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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