The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
