yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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