mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize