shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
