I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
there is puke in my bra ... again
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
