You're so nebulous sometimes
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
