i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
