And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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