Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
