I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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