Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
