I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize