So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
