idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
