I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
did you just send me my own nude
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
