i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
two words: eviction party
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
