I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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