Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
