You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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