Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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