Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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