She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
