u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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