I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
