I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
