someone threw a dead crab at me
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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