Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1047 607 share tweet
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize