We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
