I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
