I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
