I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
