Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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