I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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