if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
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What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
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Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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