HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
