Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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