I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
