So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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