I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
