Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
