how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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