DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
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Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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