atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
