Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
