If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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