Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
