dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
